Some twenty ago Harav Chaim Shmulevits (Sichos Mussar 5732:38) formulated an inspiring approach to these last days of the year, which has since been repeated countless times in various articles and speeches. Rav Shmulevits was the Rosh Yeshiva of the Mir Yeshiva in Yerushalyim and recognized as one of the foremost roshei yeshiva of Israel. It was in one of his year end talks that he formulated the fright and despair that catches up with us as Rosh Hashana looms so large over all. The Rosh Yeshiva explained that even when a Jew feels change and improvement well beyond grasp, there are strategies that Chazal have taught, with which we can prepare for the upcoming Yom Hadin.
Foremost, is to remember the gemara (Rosh Hashana 17a) that records Rav Papa's visit to the ailing Rav Huna (son of Rav Yehoshua), only to find him suffering the pain of imminent death. In fact, Rav Papa takes leave of Rav Huna and commissions the necessary preparations. You can well imagine the surprise and embarrassment that overtook Rav Papa when Rav Huna appeared once again at his place in the beis hamedrash. Rav Huna, realizing Rav Papa'a position, explained hat he had been privy to the deliberations conducted on High, as they prepared to greet his saintly soul. It was revealed then to him that although he had deserved to leave this world, his easygoing nature and willingness to cut everyone slack, earned the same grace from Hashem, who granted him many more years in this world.
The gemara sees in this story, an illustration of Hashem's approach to all those who, out of genuine humility, tolerate the barbs and lapses of others. It is referred to in the thirteen attributers of Hashem's mercy: He is "noseh ovoin ve'over al pasha," which translates into "noseh ovoin l'over al pasha", tolerates the sins of those who close their eyes to the insensitivities of acquaintances and friends.
Thus Rav Chaim would encourage his students that when we find ourselves incapable of further improvement and perhaps even discouraged from introspection, we have by no means exhausted our preparations for the Yemei Hadin. If we could successfully muster up the inner strength to forgive others who may have wronged us, we would, in that merit alone, be eligible for Hashem's compassion.
It is quite possible that we are asked to do more than simply tolerate the lapses of friends, swallow them and dismiss the hurt of the moment. Surely, one who does rise above the offenses of others shows greatness that the gemara prizes. The peace that he, family and friends will come to know will no doubt be a source of great blessing. Nevertheless the mishna that states, "and judge everyone favorably", means just that, that we need to creatively and proactively judge our friends with a good and accepting eye.
The gemara cites several examples of individuals who exercised mental gymnastics in order to explain the surprising and hurtful behavior of others. They were not satisfied with attributing it to circumstances that they could not question or understand. Rather they thought through scenarios that would actually interpret the hurtful behavior into acts of concern and interest.
It is the deep seated sense of goodness and trust in our fellows which allows us to be giving and accepting. In these days we pray for the same from Hashem, hoping that His trust in our goodness and dedication to Him, will earn for us His patience and tolerance, so that we can grow and serve Him with greater vigor and happiness.