Rabbi Benjamin YudinDo as I Do

Parshas Va'eschanan enlightens us with a dozen mitzvos. We are met with the Aseres Hadibros (Ten Commandments), the mitzvah of Shema Yisrael, yichud Hashem (the oneness of G-D), the mitzvah of talmud Torah, the mitzvahs of tefillin, the mitzvah of mezuzah, the prohibition of intermarriage, etc. What a special parsha! The parsha itself, I believe, consoles the Jewish People.

Let us consider the first paragraph of the Shema (Devarim 6:4-9). The verse begins, "ve'shinantam l'banecha," and you are to teach them to your children. The Talmud teaches that in this verse "banecha," literally your children, refers to "talmidecha - your students." The effective teacher is the one who looks at his students as if they are his children. There is an incredible love that a father and mother have for their children, and that is the love that a teacher has to have for his students.

The very next verse is, "U'kshartam l'os al yadecha ve'hayu le'totafos bein einecha - and you are to bind them for a sign on your hand and they are to be a remembrance between your eyes", a reference to tefillin. Thus, in the first paragraph of the Shema the mitzvah of talmud Torah precedes the mitzvah of tefillin.

Interestingly, in the second paragraph of the Shema these two mitzvos appear in the exact opposite order. First the Torah states (ibid. 11:18), "u'kshartem osam le'os al yedchem - and you are to bind them for a sign on your hand", i.e. you are to first put on tefillin, and then the very next verse proclaims, "ve'leemad'tem osam es bneichem - and you are to teach them to your children", referring to yhe teaching of one's biological children. Why is it that in the first paragraph, when discussing the teacher-student relationship, the mitzvah of talmud Torah precedes that of tefillin whereas in the second paragraph when we are talking about the obligation of a parent to his own children, the order of these two mitzvos is reversed?

The teacher has to teach - that is his profession. He prepares lesson plans in advance on a variety of topics, including the mitzvah of tefillin, and the instruction precedes action. A parent also has to teach, however a parent teaches, first and foremost, by example. The parent is the role model for his child. Therefore, a parent teaches about tefillin by making sure the child sees his father putting on tefillin.

A certain gentleman who davened in the same beis medrash as the late Rav Moshe Feinstein zt"l would bring his child to the beis medrash and would spend a lot of time shushing the child to make sure that he behaved properly. Rav Moshe asked the man, "What are you doing?" The man responded, "I am teaching him how to daven." Rav Moshe replied, "Don't shush, JUST DAVEN, and he will learn to daven from you."

There is a delicious teaching brought down in Maseches Kallah (3) that when Aharon haKohen died, no less than eighty thousand children named Aharon walked after his coffin. The reason behind this interesting behavior is that there were many among am Yisrael who wanted to get divorced. It was Aharon who caused them to change their minds. Accordingly, there were eighty thousand young men named Aharon. Are we meant to imagine that Aharon haKohen met with each one of their parents? Of course not! Rather, it comes to demonstrate for us that Aharon's very nature influenced people; he was a role model. Everyone should have one, and everyone should be one.

Tu B'Av generally falls during the week following parshas Va'eschanan. The last mishna in Maseches Taanis teaches that Yom Kippur and Tu B'Av were among the happiest days in the Jewish year. This is understandably said about Yom Kippur, the day on which we received the second set of luchot (tablets), which showed us that Hashem had forgiven us for the sin of the Golden Calf. However, what is it about Tu B'Av that is so special? The gemara (Ta'anis 30b) lists many special things which occurred on Tu B'Av. Let us focus on one of those events.

When Shlomo Hamelech died, his son Rechavam assumed the kingship. Shlomo was a most popular king due to his tremendous wisdom and incredible international relations. As such, while he taxed the people heavily, they accepted it from him. After he died, his son Rechavam had to decide if he would listen to his father's elder advisors and lower taxes, or listen to his younger advisors and tax them more heavily. He made the wrong decision and listened to his younger advisors, which ultimately resulted in the secession of ten of the tribes as well as the elevation of Yeravam ben Nevat, a righteous individual at the time, to the position of king over those tribes (Melachim I 12).

Yeravam changed while on the throne, and thought, "If I allow the Jewish People in my jurisdiction to go three times a year (Pesach, Shavuos, and Sukkos) to the Beis Hamikdash, they will leave me and go to Rechavam." In order to maximize control over his kingdom, he placed roadblocks and forbade the Jewish people in his constituency from going up to Yerushalayim for the three pilgrimage festivals. Instead, he positioned two golden calves, one in the north in Dan and another in the south in Bet El, thereby providing his constituents with the opportunity to worship closer to home.

Years later, Hoshea ben Ela, a king of Israel, removed these roadblocks. However, he did not tell people to go up to Yerushalayim and instead let them choose between it and the idolatry in the north. He is therefore considered a wicked king (see Rashi on Taanis 31a). Despite the fact that he certainly improved upon the situation left to him, that does not suffice for a role model such as a king of Israel. A true role model is supposed to lead the people, show them, teach them, and take the initiative. They would have followed him. As such, Hoshea ben Ela failed.

This is an important lesson for all of us. The gemara in Maseches Brachos summarizes this message saying, "gadol shimusho yoser mi'limudo" - not only is it significant to study Torah from a qualified teacher, but it is even more significant to spend personal time with such a teacher in order to observe how he acts and learn from his behavior. Please God, his behavior should rub off on you and uplift your way of life as well.

May this Shabbos Nachamu be a meaningful one for us all, first and foremost in fulfilling the command of ve'shinantam l'banecha together with ve'limad'tem osam es bneichem, being ideal role models for our children who act in a way which is worthy of duplicating. In addition, even as adults, may our eyes be open, always looking always for that person whom we are to follow, and may we have the resolve to emulate that person.