Rabbi Benjamin YudinJust When You Are Right

When reading Parshas Vayeitzei, of course we need to know that Yaakov begins building the nation of Israel, with eleven sons and one daughter. Why, however, are we told of the challenging work environment that Yaakov experienced working for Lavan? Yaakov (31:6-7) tells his wives, "now you have known that it was with all my might that I served your father, yet your father mocked me and changed my wages one hundred times, but G-d did not permit him to harm me". Moreover, (31:38) "these 20 years I have been with you, your ewes and she-goats never miscarried, nor did I eat rams of your flock . That which was mangled I never brought you, I myself would bear the loss, from me you would exact it, whether it was stolen by day or stolen by night".

Yaakov flees with his family and household, fearful that were he to say goodbye to his father in law the latter would have robbed him of all his possessions. When Lavan pursues Yaakov and rummages through all of Yaakov's possessions and can't even find one object that belonged to him, at that point Yaakov is understandably ready to explode. Chazal (Medrash Tanchuma 13) say, "[better] the anger and assertiveness of the Forefathers than the humility of the sons". The response of Yaakov constitutes an incredible lesson in "derech eretz kodma L'Torah - refined character / mentchlichkeit is a prerequisite for Torah". Instead of Yaakov blasting Lavan and calling him all kinds of derogatory names (which he richly deserved), Yaakov simply exonerates himself, thereby implicating Lavan. We are taught, (31:36) "then Yaakov became angered and he took up his grievance with Lavan: Yaakov spoke up and said to Lavan, "What is my transgression? What is my sin that you have hotly pursued me?"

While we already knew of Yaakov's great physical strength from his single-handedly moving the boulder from atop the well (29:10), here we see his incredible strength of character. The Sefer HaChinuch (241) explains the challenging prohibition of Lo Sikom - not to take revenge - in the following way: "one must believe and know that whatever happens to oneself be it good or bad, is caused and comes directly from Hashem." Unquestionably, the perpetrator of the negative act will be punished as he had free will, but that a particular individual was at a specific place at a specific time and affected by the perpetrator's action is not by chance but orchestrated from On High. Therefore, one is prohibited to take revenge against someone who acted badly towards him. The Chinuch reminds us that Dovid responded to the curse of Shimi ben Gerah (2 Shmuel 16:10) by saying that is was Divinely sanctioned.

The powerful lesson that Yaakov is teaching is taught in the Talmud (Chullin 89a), "Rabbi Ila'a said the world exists only on account of one who muzzles himself at a time of provocation, and refrains from reacting". This is good advice and counsel, both theologically and psychologically. If one holds on to anger and maintains the flames of resentment regarding the past, it blemishes their personality by not permitting him to actualize his potential in the present and future. Being stuck in the past, the impacts of which are too often unfixable, robs one of his simchas ha-chaim - the ability to appreciate and capitalize on the Divine gift of life.

The Talmud (Taanis 25b) relates that once in response to a draught, Rabbi Eliezer led the prayer service of twenty four blessings that were prescribed for a fast day, but was not answered, i.e. it did not rain. Subsequently, Rabbi Akiva prayed the Avinu Malkeinu and it rained. The Rabbis began murmuring against Rabbi Eliezer and concluded that Rabbi Akiva was greater since his prayers were answered. A heavenly voice declared "not because this one is greater than the other, but because this one is a forgiving person, ma-avir al midosov, whereas the other is not a forgiving person." The commentaries explain, since Rabbi Akiva was a forgiving person Hashem acted likewise toward him and forgave the sins of the people and blessed them with rain.

Following this noble behavior is, in addition, a fulfillment of the six hundred and eleventh mitzvah of v'halachta b'drachav - emulating Hashem. After Moshe broke the first set of tablets following the sin of the golden calf, Hashem instructs Moshe to prepare a second set of tablets to replace the first "asher shibarta - that you shattered" (Shemos 34:1). The Talmud (Shabbos 87a) understands these words to be Hashem's agreeing with Moshe's decision to break the original tablets and complimenting him for doing so. The Torah Temimah on this verse explains where Chazal see that compliment in the passuk by highlighting the fact that it is human nature that if one does something bad in anger or impetuously, being reminded of that act causes shame and discomfort. Thus, if Hashem disagreed with the breaking of the first luchos, His merely instructing Moshe to replace the first tablets would've sufficed to indicate that disagreement. By adding the apparently superfluous "asher shibarta" Hashed indicated that He was complimenting Moshe.

We are living in challenging times. The four widows - Chaya Levine, Breine Goldberg, Yakova Kupinsky and Bashi Twersky - of the kedoshim killed in the horrific attack in Har Nof appealed, "with tears and hearts broken, turn to the house of Israel, to stay united so as to merit compassion and mercy from On High. They specifically asked that we take upon ourselves to increase love and brotherliness between man and his fellow man, between our varied communities and among different sectors of the community". I just wish to add and reiterate, more specifically, just when you are right as Yaakov was - let go.