Parshas Behaaloscha is a kind of rollercoaster in terms of the historical events of the Jewish people. On the one hand we find Moshe excitedly inviting Yisro to accompany Bnai Yisroel, as "nosim anachnu - we are going" (Bamidbar 10:29) - one can sense the enthusiasm, and even Moshe is planning to enter the promised land. Immediately after the two pesukim bounded by the inverted nuns, Jewish history becomes inverted and a rapid decline begins, with the nation bemoaning and mourning its plight. This is followed by the sending of the spies and the rest is tragic history.
What is especially uncharacteristic is the role of Moshe in the backsliding of the people. Moshe throws his hands up in desperation and frustration and responds to their complaints regarding their unhappiness with the additional laws of morality[1] they were now bound by and their desiring cholent rather than the divine diet of man by saying, "are they my children? Did I give birth to them?" "Help Me", cries Moshe, "if not, please kill me and put an end to my misery." In contrast, when the Jewish people worshiped the golden calf, Moshe rose to the occasion and defended their idolatrous backsliding. Moshe reminded Hashem where they were for two hundred and ten years, and despite the open miracles they saw and experienced, their being steeped in Egyptian culture could explain and defend their sin. Moshe had all the necessary patience and tolerance for His people. Yet here, by kivros haTaavah, the same Moshe asks, "Am I their nursemaid?" (Bamidbar 11:12).
The Rav zt"l suggested the following explanation: Moshe saw his role as the nation's teacher. As such, he understood that he had to respond to the theological issues and questions of the students - the issue of tzaddik v'ra lo (why the seemingly good people suffer - Berachos 7a) is a real issue that he must grapple with and regarding which he must guide the people. Moshe assumed that teaching them how to navigate the written Torah with the Oral Law, adjudicating their quarrels, etc. were integral parts of his job description. However Moshe did not realize that teaching middos, developing their character, and shaping their personality to make them worthy of absorbing and accepting Hashem's Torah was incumbent upon him as well. Moshe, to his surprise, was in fact now elevated to the position of omain - nursemaid and molder of character to this nation. By proclaiming "did I give birth to this nation?" Moshe was saying, "You, Hashem, created them with the genes implanted within them, and there is nothing I can do to change their nature", and hence Moshe's feeling of desperation and total inadequacy. Hashem, however, instructs him otherwise!
Moshe, who had willingly taught them deos - law and theology - now realizes that he also has to be a "middos machine" to them. "Gedola shimusha yoser milimuda - attending and serving one's teacher is even greater than studying Torah under him" (Berachos 7b), as one learns refinement of character from his teachers every day acts. Moshe now gained an additional understanding of the passuk, "Moshe descended from the mountain to the people and sanctified the people" (Shemos 19:14). Polishing and attending to their middos as well as what, how, when and with whom they eat are all the rebbe's concern. Moreover, the primary way to learn the golden mean (Rambam Hilchos Deos 1:1) is to observe and emulate a rebbe. How the rebbe eats, sleeps, interacts with others and his calm demeanor are all prerequisites for Torah study and observance.
The Beis Halevi as a child prodigy noted from a challenging Rashi that the Torah itself gives preference to middos over deos. Hashem says, "naaseh adam- let us make man" (Braishis 1:26). Rashi notes that even though the verse could lead to faulty deos by being misunderstood to insinuate that there is more than one God, Hashem still chose to orchestrate the creation of man by accompanying his formulation with a most significant lesson of middos, i.e. that the great should consult and give respect to those lower than themselves.
May we ever be inspired by Moshe Rabbeinu and be cognizant not only of our responsibility to teach deos to those around us, but even more importantly to demonstrate derech eretz kadma laTorah.
[1] Whereas in Mitzrayim they were only prohibited from those incestuous relations that are prohibited to all Bnai Noach (all of mankind), now many more familial restrictions were added (Rashi, Yoma 75)