"V'es Yehuda sholach lefanav el Yosef l'horos - He (Yaakov) sent Yehuda ahead of him to Yosef to prepare" (46:28). Rashi cites the medrash (95:3), that interprets l'horos as "to teach", i.e. Yehuda was sent to establish a place "sheyehey moreh bo divrei Torah v'sheyihyu hashevtaim lomdim bo", where Yaakov would teach Torah and the shevatim, i.e. his offspring, would learn.
The highest priority for the success and preservation of the Jewish family and community is having places for Torah teaching and learning. When the first Jewish family emigrated to Egypt, our patriarch Yaakov viewed such a place as a prerequisite for settling in their new country, which had to precede their arrival.
The Torah commands every man to teach his young sons Tanach. The Aruch Hashulchan (Yoreh Deah 245:5-11) explains that this enables the son to learn Gemara on his own after bar mitzvah. R' Yehoshua ben Gamla introduced universal Torah education for boys above age six in every Jewish city (Bava Basra 21a)[1]. Although the impetus for this takana was caring for those boys who had no father, it revolutionized Torah education for everyone. From then on fathers would teach their sons basic pesukim, such as "Torah tziva" and "Shema Yisrael", to implant emunah - faith in Hashem and Torah, and the rebbe in cheder then would teach them Tanach and Gemara.
Because a rebbe acts as an agent of the father, the father must pay him. For the orphans and poor the rebbe must be paid from a communal fund (kupas hakahal). The halacha dictates that the assessment for the communal fund is based on each person's net worth and applied even to those who do not utilize the affected institutions for their own families (see Choshen Mishpat 163:end of 3). When there were organized Jewish communities with the power to enforce halacha and communal policies, all members of the community were compelled by the gabbaim to fulfill their obligations.
In modern times, the absence of an organized community assessment has created a user's fee known as tuition. These costs have risen recently far more than average inflation-adjusted income. This discrepancy has created a tuition crisis, especially for larger families in modern communities where the tuition is generally significantly higher than in others.
Unfortunately, many families have decided not to have more children because they cannot afford the tuition (See Yossi Prager, The Tuition Squeeze: Paying the Price of Jewish Education, in Jewish Action Kislev 5766, at note 13). Ironically, then, the institution most indispensable for the success and preservation of the Jewish family has led to a reduction in family size. In Israel the government taxes individuals based on their wealth to support schools, including religious ones, so that tuition is zero or minimal, and this is a factor which encourages Aliya (note 13, above).
While all yeshivos offer scholarships, many parents fear the tuition committees which oversee these scholarships. They are loathe to divulge their income and to be grilled about expenditures which are not as essential as tuition. Grandparents bear responsibility to teach their grandchildren or pay their tuition as well (Aruch Hashulchan Yoreh Deah 245:9), but this does not always happen. Too often grandparents instead pay for family vacations which are not as essential as their grandchildren's tuition. In such situations, parents are often unable, or even unwilling, to reorder the priorities of the well-intentioned grandparents.
Recently, a very learned and pedigreed young rabbinic couple asked me about precisely this dilemma. Their two incomes suffice for the tuition for their three children but not for a fourth, and they were hesitant to add to their family and, as a result, to be "on scholarship", not "paying their way". This hesitation is based on the user's fee model. I responded that, in principle, the community is responsible to support its yeshiva. As such, one need not be hesitant or embarrassed to ask for a scholarship, rather the community should be embarrassed that it is not discharging its halachic responsibility! A young couple can and should strengthen the community by having more children. The determining factor in family size should be the mother's physical and emotional health, not the family's wealth.
Reportedly, a major community yeshiva suggested a policy to refuse to grant scholarships unless both parents earn an income. This policy, in effect compelling a mother to work even if she prefers the classic role of full time wife and mother, is another blow to the Jewish family. It prevents a mother who would like to focus completely on her young family from putting all her energy and talent into raising her children, and in certain cases reduces the number of children in the family as well.
The dramatic rise in the number of working young women in our generation has revolutionized American society in general, and the Orthodox community in particular. Many kollel wives are the sole breadwinners, lauded in some circles for their heroic efforts in supporting Torah. They are in fact heroic. However the downside of that approach is overburdened wives, and husbands who wait too long before assuming their halachic responsibility to support their wives and children. Torah study is essential for strengthening and preserving the Jewish family, but it should not be disproportionately emphasized in a way that results in an undesirable change to the essential character and structure of the Jewish family.
In more modern Orthodox circles, one can often find a strong push for advanced careers for women and a de-emphasis of their roles as wives and mothers. Yeshivos that impart this attitude and thus, in effect, promote postponing marriage and limiting family size weaken, rather than strengthen, the Jewish family.
Yeshivos, the bulwark of the Jewish family and community since the time of Yaakov Avinu, must continue to emphasize the importance of the Jewish family. Members of the each community are halachically required to finance their local yeshivas based on their wealth, and young couples who wish to have more children should not face the disincentive of a tuition crisis. If we regain the correct distribution of responsibilities mandated by the halacha, our places of Torah teaching and learning will serve the critical role of strengthening and preserving the Jewish family and community, as envisioned by Yaakov Avinu.
[1] The Aruch Hashulchan and Rav Yehoshua ben Gamla predated the introduction of formal Torah education for girls.