Dedicated in honor of my esteemed, very caring mother, Mrs. Bella Haber shetichye. May Hashem grant her many more happy years of life in good health with much nachas from her children and grandchildren.
The title of this article is an oft-repeated phrase I have heard from my mother. This expression for her is not merely a trite slogan but represents a way of life. I wish both to elucidate and to elaborate upon this life mantra of hers in her honor and to connect its theme to the upcoming festival of Purim.
Hakaras hatov - recognizing and being thankful for good received - in general and specifically to HaKadosh Baruch Hu forms a central pillar of avodas Hashem. R. Bachya ibn Paquda devotes much time in his Chovos HaLevavos to explaining its centrality. Mankind is inundated with Hashem's constant kindness and inherently feels a sense of gratitude. As a result, we are driven to somehow repay this debt. In general, when one feels a sense of gratitude, one can choose to react to it in one of two ways: either by repaying the debt by benefiting his benefactor or by denying the gifts which he had received.[1] The same is true with respect to HaKadosh Baruch Hu's acts of kindness. We can either serve Hashem as a result or somehow try to deny they are from Him or lessen their significance. (See Chovos HaLevavos, Sha'ar HaBechina.)
R. Bachya gives a mashal which I present here in a modernized form. Two parents were driving with their two children and unfortunately got into a horrific accident. The two parents were instantly killed, and their surviving children, one 16-year old and one two-year old, were put in foster care, eventually both being adopted by a caring family. Both of them, who were lovingly treated as the new family's own children - receiving affection, food, clothing, a warm home environment and schooling - grew up and started families of their own. One would expect the younger child, adopted at such an early age who received much more from his new family than his brother did, to be more grateful. But the opposite was true. The 16 year-old naturally felt and expressed a greater sense of gratitude. The reason, in R. Bachya's words,[2] is:
...because he went from a situation of destitution and suffering to one of goodness and tranquility while his mental faculties were mature. Therefore, he fully recognized the goodness and the kindness of his benefactor. But the infant did not realize the great extent of the goodness even after his perception and understanding had matured because he was used to them since his childhood.
Our relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu with respect to the acts of lovingkindness He performs for us is akin to that of the younger child with his adoptive parents. We have been receiving Hashem's kindness from the moment of our creation as a soul at the beginning of time through our formation in utero, followed by birth and throughout our lives in this world and the next. But our sense of gratitude to our loving Creator needs to be developed and is not at all intuitive because of the same reason mentioned above.
R. Yitzchak Maltzan (author of Shevisas HaShabbos) in his insightful commentary to the siddur, Siach Yitzchak, explains the purpose of the morning blessings based on this teaching of R. Bachya. Naturally, we take life, sight, the ability to move our muscles, walk and so many other regular life activities for granted. The morning blessings, highlighting that it is Hashem yisbarach who provides us with these functions constantly, are meant to cause us to pause and reflect that it is only because we have been receiving these gifts before our intellect developed sufficiently that we are not sufficiently grateful for them. Starting the day with such a transformative attitude has the potential to inject the day's avodas Hashem with a natural desire to in some small way to recognize our Benefactor; learning Torah and the performance of mitzvos then become an instinctive expression of our will to somehow acknowledge these gifts such that they do not comprise mere obligations imposed upon us.[3]
The upcoming festival of Purim is of course, first and foremost, a celebration of miracles and Divine providence. Many have noted the hidden nature of the miracles, the joyous festival and the megilla reading beckoning us to be מגלה(reveal) that which is contained in the מגילה beneath the surface. It is not a mere history of a "lucky break" for the entire Jewish people but a guide to seeing Hashem's hidden hand in everything: in all of the specific acts of Divine providence in our lives and in the day-to-day "natural miracles" or "regular" bodily functions and human interactions. Festivals of thanksgiving are also times to recall Hashem's other acts of kindness to us both nationally and individually. (Maoz Tzur sung on Chanuka serves as an example of this principle.) I recently read that Rav Aryeh Levine zt"l would place a picture of his wife who had predeceased him on the table at the Purim seudah. When his guests inquired as to the reason for this unusual act, he responded that he wishes to express hakaras hatov to Hashem on this day of thanksgiving for the kindness he received from Him of having had such a special wife for so many years.
It has been a year since the world has been plagued by COVID-19. Deaths keep mounting worldwide, and the Jewish community has suffered greatly. Life with which we had become accustomed for so many years has undergone massive transformations. Nonetheless, many Rabbinic figures have noted, and I humbly wish to repeat this thought, that there is still much to be thankful for without in any way diminishing the tragedy of even one life negatively, or even tragically, affected. Compared to plagues in the past, most who have become infected recovered mostly or fully.[4] This is not something to be taken lightly. I wish to relay a personal anecdote in fulfillment of "בקהל עם ארוממנו". Most of our family recently took ill with the virus and were recovering and in quarantine for two weeks. With all home from school for a prolonged lockdown which had started in Israel even before we got sick, and with our autistic son home as well, life was not so smooth. Baruch Hashem we all recovered, but immediately after my wife ended her quarantine our son had a seizure necessitating his being rushed to the hospital, escorted by my wife, having to stay all night there for tests. Since they both had already had the disease, she felt significantly calmer without the fear of getting infected at the hospital. [Indeed, there was a patient in close proximity to them who turned out to have the disease!] Baruch Hashem, he returned home in good health. We all very much felt that the timing of our contracting the virus was kindly machinated by the One above to facilitate that sense of greater calm in an otherwise worrying situation. All of us should exert efforts to discern Hashem's kind, providential Hand even in this time of upheaval --מציץ מן החרכים משגיח מן החלונות.
Many have also noted that the very disruption of regular life routines gives us opportunity to appreciate them much more. Who would have thought that the ability to walk around the block or join with one's non-immediate family members at a meal would not always be possible? Elsewhere,[5] we quoted Rav Chaim Ya'akov Goldwicht's zt"l insight into the fact that even something as unique as the mann which constantly connected the Jewish people to Hashem did not fall on Shabbos in order that b'nei Yisrael not become accustomed to it and cease viewing it as from the Nosein lechem l'chol basar. When normal human endeavors are temporarily suspended, after they resume we have a greater opportunity to appreciate their Source. Similarly, in our era, the gift of Eretz Yisrael, being able to travel there or even live there, was taken as a given. Shutdowns of airports and cancellation of flights (Ben-Gurion airport is still largely closed as of this writing) again give us pause not to take this gift for granted either. The difficulty breathing and sometimes life-threatening need for oxygen that this virus often causes should prod us to inculcate the teaching of the well-known midrash (Bereishis Rabba 14:9) interpreting the verseכל הנשמה תהלל ק-ה -- על כל נשימה ונשימה שאדם נושם צריך לקלס לבורא - a person must praise Hashem for every life-giving breath that he takes.
One final thought. In the נשמת prayer, we recite אילו פינו מלא שירה כים ... אין אנחנו מספיקים להודות לך ד' אלוקינו... על אחת מאלף אלף אלפי אלפים ורבי רבבות פעמים הטובות שעשית עם אבותינו ועמנו. If we do a quick calculation, we are saying to Hashem that even if we had infinite ability, we would not be able to thank Him sufficiently for even one of the 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 (100 quintillion) acts of kindness he has done for us and our ancestors. At first glance, this number seems highly inflated, but if one studies even a modicum of modern science one will instantly realize that so much functionality transpires in the human body every single second on the macro- and micro-level, from unraveling DNA, production of proteins, transmission of neural impulses though nerves, digestive enzymes chomping away at substrates, cleansing of the cells and blood by the kidneys, fusion of oxygen to red blood cells, complex mental processes and so much more. And all this when the body is healthy! When the body is fighting disease - and all doctors know that medical science is there to assist the body to heal itself - so much more occurs. All of these acts generated constantly by our Creator - המחדש בטובו בכל יום תמיד מעשה בראשית - easily add up to the astronomical number listed above in a matter of days or perhaps even hours or minutes. When we add to the smooth functioning of the body, G-d's Hand in our lives and Jewish history, we are humbled greatly before these magnificent, enormous acts of kindness for which we must have and express a profound sense of gratitude.
May we merit utilizing the time of the "great light" of Purim, a time of transformation מאבל ליום טוב, מיגון לשמחה ומאפלה לאור גדול, to return to HaKadosh Baruch Hu, to pray to Him for a removal of all tragedy, illness and distress and merit seeing the ultimate redemption when, as the Midrash (Vayikra Rabba 9:7) beautifully states: R. Pinchas and R. Levi and R. Yochanan in the name of R. Menachem... in the future, all of the offerings will be abolished, but the korban todah will not; all prayers will be nullified, but [prayers of] thanksgiving will not." הודו לד כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו!
[1] This seems to be at the psychological root of the oftentimes used counter-argument when confronted with a statement from a benefactor (parent, spouse, etc.) like "How can you act that way after all I've done for you?!" - "But what about X, Y or Z which you didn't do for me!" This is a misguided attempt to deny or lessen the indebtedness so one doesn't have to live with the guilt of being ungrateful.
[2] Chovos HaLevavos (Sha'ar HaBechina, introduction), translation by Rabbi Moses Hyamson, available at https://dafyomireview.com/article.php?docid=414.
[3] The important principle of "kabbalas ol" and performing Hashem's will even if we do not desire to do so is not our topic here but must be equally stressed.
[4] I repeat again that which I have written before that those who would dismiss this event as "a mere flu" are not examining hard facts in hospital wards. Furthermore, recovery from even an "ordinary flu" with the "armed forces" HaKadosh Baruch Hu has provided for us in the form of antibodies and leukocytes is also something for which to have eternal, profound gratitude to the Almighty.
[5] See Mann and Parnassa.